Chad Ocho Cinco? That's child's play. How about "George What's The Snap Count?"

With Bengals' wide receiver Chad Johnson changing his legal name to Chad Ocho Cinco, it got me to thinking. Rather than change their last name to reflect their number (Jon Kitna Ocho, Dewayne Smith Nueve Nueve), what if some of the Detroit Lions changed their last name to reflect their true nature? So I took the liberty...

Jon Kitna "God Warrior"

Drew Stanton "Injured Reserve"

Dan Orlovsky "Clipboard Hero"

George Foster "Yellow Flag"

Roy Williams "Loudmouth"

Calvin Johnson "Freak"

Tatum Bell "System Back"

Kevin Smith "Smith"

Jeff Backus "Overpaid"

Jason Hanson "Methuselah"

Cory Redding "One Year Wonder"

Shaun Cody "Bust"

Brian Calhoun "Bust Too"

Chuck Darby "Coaches Pet"

Brian Kelly "Coaches Pet Too"

Paris Lenon "Sucks"

Alex Smith "Sucks Too"

Jordon Dizon "Bench Warmer"

Gosder Cherilus "Bench Warmer Too"

Avieon Cason "Really Sucks"

Artose Pinner "Retread"

Jerome Felton "Fullback By Default"

Shaun McDonald "I Miss Mike Martz"

Mike Furrey "So do I"

Casey FitzSimmons "Irish Guy"

Andre Fluellen "Flu Girl's Name"

Stephen Peterman "My First Name Isn't J"

Kalvin Pearson "It Really Is Spelled With A K"

Rod Marinelli "Didn't Know What I Was Getting Into When I Took This Godforsaken Job From Hell"

Matt Millen "Idiotic Dumb Ass Suck Up Hope Killing Moron"

William Clay Ford "HUH?"

(Exhibition) Game day thread: Detroit Lions (3-0) vs. Buffalo...Screw it! Who the Hell cares?

Let's be honest. It's the 4th and final exhibition game. It means nothing. Absolutely nothing. Less than zero. Zip. Nada. Nuttin'. Jack and shit.

For that matter, how many of you out there are going to bother watching two teams go through the motions? Look at tonight's TV agenda...

1. We are going to be witness to American history tonight, with Barack Obama officially becoming the Democratic nominee for president. His acceptance speech should be worth watching, ya think?

2. College football starts! Hoo-damn-ray! Games on FSN and the 4 Letter, w00t!

3. For you tennis fans, the US Open continues. It is our national championship, after all.

4. For the mouth breathers who like televised train wrecks, FOX has the lowest common denominator reality show, "The Moment of Truth." You know some morons would rather watch this crap. Why? I try not to think about it...

5. Anything other than exhibition football.

So I don't think many folks will be glued to the game. But it's still a Lions game day, so I'm going through the motions...

Game Information

Lions @ Bills

Kickoff: 6:30 p.m. EDT

Stadium: Ralph Wilson  Stadium

Television: WWJ-TV 62/CBS

Play-By-Play: Matt  Shepard (WHAT?! No Gus Johnson? Shit!)

Color: Desmond Howard

Sidelines: Charlie Sanders

Lions Radio Network Flagship: 97.1 FM The Ticket (WXYT-FM)

Play-By-Play: Dan Miller

Color: Jim Brandstatter

Sidelines: Tony Ortiz

2008 Preseason Records: Lions, 3-0; Bills, 2-1

2007 Records: Lions, 7-9; Bills, 7-9

I didn't bother posting the depth chart, as there's been no changes. The fact that your 1st and 2nd round picks are still listed and 2nd and 3rd strings, respectively, disturbs me quite a bit. It's time Gosder Cherilus and Jordon Dizon assert themselves, big time.

The 10 things I'm watching, dammit!

1. Health
2. Health
3. Health
4. Health
5. Health
6. Health
7. Health
8. Health
9. Health
10a. Health
10b. Drew Henson: I'm curious to see what, if anything, the former Wolverine has left. I'm watching his health, too.

I doubt I'll watch much of the game tonight, as I have another FFL draft, plus the aforementioned televised events. (No, I'm not watching "The Moment of Truth!") I'll record it, and fast forward through the boring parts...Meaning I'll be able to watch the game in about 10 minutes, 15 tops.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, hoping no one gets hurt. As long as the Lions come out of tonight's game unscathed, they'll get an A+ from me.

Answering the Detroit Tigers smoldering questions: Sleepwalking thru September edition

It's been a couple of weeks since I touched on the Tigers, for a few reasons. The biggest being they have gone on my mental back burner with so much else going on in the world. The Olympics, the DNC and soon to begin RNC, football season is quickly approaching (One look outside here in SE MI tells you football is on the way, it's cool and overcast.), there's plenty to keep my mind off of the most disappointing Detroit team in a generation, if not ever.

It's a painful process watching a much anticipated season end in such a down note. At this point, with the Tigers 12 games back and 5 games under .500, I'm ready for the season to officially end.

I'm not the only one attempting to put the 2008 season behind themselves, as the Tigers have played the last few weeks like the season has already ended. If you go by the just concluded series with the Tribe, the Tigers' are on a quest to quickly and quietly sleepwalk through the remainder of 2008. For all intents and purposed, the Tigers, regardless of Jim Leyland's claims to to the contrary, have folded up shop.

Despite the Tigers' malaise, there remain a few questions in need of answering. But they aren't burning so much as they are smoldering. Let's kick through the embers of this burned out hulk of a season, and answer a few smoldering questions, shall we?

Todd Jones' shoulder is still sore, and it's not responding to treatment. Thus, the Tigers have allowed the Rollercoaster to go home to the land of double-wides and the Crimson Tide, essentially ending his season. Is the man responsible for giving Tigers fans millions of gray hairs, and ulcers galore, done?

Jonesy has worn ye Olde English D for the last time. At 40, he's not only done as a Tiger, he's done as a baseball player.

I know I did more than my fair share of bitching and moaning about Jones. But we fans has the reality of the situation slap us in the face as to the true difficulty of being a closer. When Jones went on the DL, the old adage was proven true. "Be careful what you wish for, as you just might get it."

Watching younger and more physically gifted pitchers like Rodney, Zumaya and Farnsworth struggle to get those final 3 outs, failing in spectacular fashion to close a game, quickly had we fans wishing the much maligned Todd Jones was back in his 9th inning role.

Jones will finish as the Tigers' leader in career saves. An amazing feat when you consider he did so with a fastball that couldn't break 85 MPH on a good day. Jones' lengthy career is testimony to just how far you can go, and long you can last in the majors by throwing strikes consistently.

We should wish Todd Jones well, as he will always consider himself, first and foremost, a Detroit Tiger.

Jim Leyland has said he doesn't like to play many September call ups as it, in his nicotine addled mind, isn't fair to teams in playoff contention, or to the fans who bought tickets to see "stars." Is the Marlboro Man's thinking correct?

Coming from a manager who runs a 4A team onto the field thank to his Sunday lineups, it's total bullshit! Screw fairness! Call me a selfish prick of a fan, but fuck being a spoiler.

I'm a fan of the Tigers, I couldn't give two shits about being "fair" to teams trying to make the playoffs. As for ticket holders, those are the chances you have to take, you knew the possibility of the game being meaningless when you bought them.

I don't care if one team has to face a Chris Lambert making his first appearance in the bigs, and another has to face the Tigers' best, Armando Galarraga. Tough shit, them's the God damn breaks.

I'd much rather see Leyland give playing time to current back ups and minor league call ups who may help the Tigers in 2009, and shutting down players who have been struggling to play through injuries. (I'm looking at you, Carlos Guillen.) If that means the White Sox have an advantage over the Twins for the Central division title because of the lineup the Tigers trot out onto the field, then so be it. No skin off of my nose, and I honestly don't care if that knocks the noses of Twins fans out of joint.

I'm sure most, if not all, Tigers fans feel the same way. They'd rather sit through a game like last night's, with Jeff Larish at 3rd, Ramon Santiago at 2nd and Gary Glover coming in to relieve, if it means the Tigers will have a better idea as to what needs to be fixed in this coming off season.

If losing now leads to winning next year, for all I care, the Tigers can finish the season 0-30.

It's been leaked that Gary Sheffield and Kenny Rogers, and likely the entire roster, were placed an revocable waivers. Anything we can read into this?

No.

Come on, Al. there's got to be more to the answer than "No."

Not really. The Tigers were trolling for a playoff contending team on the prowl for arms and bats, hoping to sucker them into a trade.

Placing a player on trade waivers is just standard operating procedure. If you are a Tiger on the sweet side of 30, have a big contract, don't have a long-term future with the team or any combination thereof, you were put on waivers. The other 29 MLB teams went through the same process. It's a fact of baseball life.

It's nothing personal, just business. And any business willing to take on Gary Sheffield's $14 million contract for 2009 is a badly run one. Because of the numerous contracts like Sheffield currently on the Tigers books, I seriously doubt we'll see anyone traded before the playoff eligible deadline at the end of August.

With doom and gloom surrounding the Tigers, have there been any bright spots recently?

Miguel Cabrera is showing why trading for him was the smartest thing the Tigers have done in years. Galarrarga has continued to pitch well.

And...Uh...Hmm...Um...I got nuttin'.

Nuttin'? There's got to be something else...

Well, the blown saves, late inning losses and playing like a lower division team stopped hurting so much. That's got to count for something.

I'll be back...tomorrow

No posting today, folks.

Most of my Wednesday was spent dealing with my arthritis doctors and whatnot, which always ends up draining me physically and mentally. But if you followed my oh so fascinating Twitter feed, you'd know these things.

Plus I have a FFL draft, The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes' Blogger Invitational 2, in a little less than an hour. I'm fully prepared!  If by "prepared" you mean, "forgetting about doing research till a couple of hours ago, I'm now trying to find a few online player rankings and cheat sheets." Then damn straight, I'm prepared!

Don't worry your sports filled heads, though. I don't plan on blogging about my team, as why would you guys give two shits about my failures in fantasy football?

I'll be back with a post or 2..or 3...or who the Hell knows, tomorrow.

The "STFU Roy" files: We're the third-best receiving duo in the league!

I'm going start a recurring feature at TWFE called the "STFU Roy" files, in honor of the Lions' overly talkative, always mouthy and cocky as all Hell wide receiver, Roy Williams.

Every time I read the lastest controversial sound bite spewed from Roy, all I can do is give myself a facepalm. Today, we have the latest reason to give yourself a facepalm.

Who knew Captain Picard was a Lions fan?

Speaking to the 4 Letter, the Lions' mouth that roared talked a good game. A real good game, a game Williams has yet to reach. It turns out he has a pretty damn high opinion of himself and Calvin Johnson. How high of an opinion?

I think we're looking at a breakout season. To me, we'll be the third-best duo in the league."

"Well, Marvin and Reggie are at the top," Williams said. "And then there's T.J. [Houshmandzadeh] and Chad [Johnson] in Cincinnati. That's about it."

That pretty damn high. Too damn high, to be honest.

Williams is your typical diva wide out, full of bravado, attitude and bullshit. With so much attitude, you'd think the Lions would have more to show for it than one lousy 1000 yard season between the two of them. Shaun McDonald and Mike Furrey have accomplished just as much as Williams in their careers, and more than Johnson.

It's not as if we haven't heard this sort of thing before from Roy. There was the "Score means nothing" quote. The "It's stupid how close we were to putting 40 points on the board" quote. The "Calvin Johnson should have had a 200 yard game" quote. The "I should have had a 300 yard receiving game" quote.

I just wish someone would remind Roy that a even a little humility goes a long way. So would actually putting up big stats, rather than just talking about them...and talking about them...and talking about them...

Well, what do you know? Riker is a Lions fan too...

When it comes to the Lions, they are all talk, with little to back it up.

When it comes to Roy Williams, along with being all talk, the following always applies - Open mouth, insert foot, repeat.

RIP Kevin Duckworth

Sad news for NBA fans everywhere, as former Portland Trailblazer center Kevin Duckworth passed away.

Duckworth had a decent NBA career, and made a couple of All-Star teams. But as a Pistons fan, the first thing that came to mind when I heard the news about Duckworth's death was Bill Laimbeer's utter and complete mind fuck of a much younger Duckworth in the 1990 NBA Finals.

You're mine, kid...

He fouled...I didn't do...Laimbeer did...AAARRRGH!

Laimbeer's flopping, antagonistic, annoying and extremely effective playing style drove Duckworth totally to distraction. Portland's All-Star center spent the entire 5 games more worried about what stunt Detroit's leading Bad Boy was going to pull next, than concentrate on his own game. It was as if the Pistons were playing the Blazers 5-4, as Duckworth was essentially neutered by Laimbeer's trickery throughout the series.

The Blazers' center was a unique talent, but after Laimbeer was finished with him, he didn't know which way was up, down or around on the basketball court.  Laimbeer massivly screwing with Duckworth's head was a big reason Detroit won their second consecutive NBA championship.

Maybe it was Duckworth's weight issues, maybe it was his being considered "soft" for a big man, maybe it was Laimbeer's dominating mind games, but Duckworth ever seemed to be the same player after those 5 memorable games in the 1990 NBA Finals.  I may be giving Laimbeer too much credit, but Duckworth's stats, and career, trended down every season thereafter. He bounced around the association, playing with several teams, and was done as a pro at the relatively young age of 32. 

From all accounts, Kevin Duckworth was a very nice guy who gave back to the game he loved, as shown by his being on the way to give a basketball clinic when he passed. No matter the backstory, it's always a sad day whenever a good man passes away well before his time.

Detroit Lions post exhibition game thoughts: The gates of Hell, 3rd round bargains and big ass asses

I try to post my Lions thoughts a few hours after the game, but who wants to put up that much effort over an exhibition? So you're getting them tonight, bitches.

1. When is the real Jon Kitna going to show up? Because the QB we've seen be nearly perfect during the exhibition season sure as Hell isn't the God warrior. Where's the drive killing interceptions? The in his own territory fumbles? The trying to make impossible plays? The inability to find the end zone? Wait a second! The inability to finish drives is still an issue! Maybe it really is Kitna, 100+ QB rating and all, under center.

 Is Kitna making the sign of the Devil? Of course not. 

He's telling the hottie in row one to call after the game...

I know it's only been the equivalent of one half (if that), but Kitna has looked damn good running Jim Coilletto's offense. Is it an illusion, or does Kitna finally "Get it?" It's probably a little of both. It helps he has 4 quality wide receivers to throw to as well. Calvin Johnson and Roy Williams have the ability to turn a badly thrown dying quail into a completion.

I'll admit that Kitna, when he plays within himself, has shown himself to be a very serviceable QB. It's when he tries to make the big play as everything is turning to shit around him, things fall apart. Kitna never seemed to learn that it's better to be prudent than merely courageous. Discretion is the better part of valor. To put it bluntly, don't be a dumb ass with the ball. He should realize it, as it's in the bible, right?

Take the loss, don't force the ball into triple coverage and live to try again. At least you still have the damn ball. At age 35, Kitna may finally have learned that lesson. Or possibly someone wrote it as a passage in his bible, and he took it to heart.

"Thou shall not turn the ball over, lest ye be DAMNED TO THE GATES OF HELL! The LORD hath spoken!"

Either way works for me.

2. It was quite heartening to see a Lions running back break a long run. It was even more heartening to see the run not be called back for a stupid penalty.Detroit's running game isn't running on all cylinders just yet. But it's showing signs of life. If Mike Martz were still calling plays, Smith never would would have gotten the chance to break loose. The so-called genius Martz would have given up on the run after the first couple of plays didn't net much of anything.

There's a fine line between genius and madness, and Martz crossed it long ago. We in Detroit saw it every Sunday in his bizarre play calling. Niners fans get to see the insanity up close and personal this season. Why would journeyman J.T. O'Sullivan, Martz's own pet laboratory project, be named the starting QB in San Francisco? Because Mike Martz is a fucking madman.

I was happy when Martz was hired by Rod Marinelli. I was happier when the self-styled super genius was let go.

3. We saw proof positive on Saturday. Kevin Smith is the best running back on the Lions roster. Period. Semi-colon. Exclamation point. He's the only Detroit back capable of breaking anything more than a 5 yard run.

I was leery of the Lions drafting Smith, not because of his lacking talent. Talent he has in spades. My fear was Smith had been used to the point of abuse by UCF's head coach, George "I did so letter at New Hampshire" O'Leary. But so far, so good.The 70 carries a game Smith got in college hasn't slowed him down...yet. How he holds up over a 16 game season after taking such a beating in school bears close watch.

A sight not often seen. A Lions running back in the open field

Getting Smith in the 3rd round of the draft is looking like quite a bargain. It's fair to say, up to this point, this is one 3rd round running back pick that wasn't wasted. (I'm looking at you, Brian Calhoun.)

4. The Detroit media, especially the hosts on sports talk radio, couldn't help but notice how well Shaun Rogers played, tossing around linemen and running backs like so many rag dolls. We heard lots of raving that Big Baby was going to have a Pro Bowl season for the Browns, be the dominant player he was only occasionally in Detroit. That's one big ass leap to make, bigger than Rogers' own big ass, from playing in part of one game.

Rogers played damn well against Detroit. "DETROIT" being the magic word that had the Twinkie's biggest fan motivated. See if he's that fired up to play the Titans in December.

No way in Hell Rogers plays that well over an entire season. It's an impossibility when you weigh 4 bills and have knees buckling from under the immense weight. Rogers is listed at 350 pounds by the Browns. And I'm starring in the next Tarantino flick...

If Big Baby couldn't play consistently hard in Detroit, a team that bent over backwards attempting to keep him happy, motivated, well fed and in an endless supply of oxygen tanks, it's not going to happen in Cleveland. He'll dominate in one game, disappear for the next 2. Especially if the Browns season goes in the tank, and from what I saw Saturday night, that's a distinct possibility.

So to claim Shaun Rogers is going to have a Pro Bowl season is putting the cart before the horse...then having Big Baby eat the horse.

5. The biggest surprise of the exhibition so far has been...No, not the 3-0 start. Not Mike O'Hara predicting a 9-10 win season before doddering off into retirement. Not George "What's the Snap Count" Foster still being first on the OT depth chart.

It's been the play of the defense. It's been been fast, opportunistic and pretty damn good. Brady Quinn may be a gay icon, but the Lions defense made the Browns golden boy look limp. Flaccid, even.

As much as I ragged on Marinelli for bringing every former Bucco he could find into camp, it's those same Buccos who've made the defense better. How much better remains to be seen, as I refuse to get out the jump to conclusions mat over 3 exhibition games.

Before getting all hot and bothered, let's see how the rebuilt D stands up when the season starts. But as things stand, I give the rebuilt defense 1 thumb up! No, the other thumb is not up my ass. It's waiting for the season to start, dammit.

Morons in the media: Case number 002*

SI's Peter King, in his Monday MMQB column, writes about the Bengals, and their asinine re-signing of the number 5 (with a bullet) criminal on the FBI's "Most Wanted" list, wide out Chris Henry. Obviously, the Cincy media, and most of Cincy's fans, is aghast. But King felt the need to dis the continually dumped upon fanbase by finding some mouth breathing moron's comment on a Cincinnati Enquirer message board.

The signing is ridiculous and reprehensible, and (Enquirer columnist Paul Daugherty) Daugherty is overwhelmingly correct. But read the message boards in Bengal Land, and you get a different story. This from "XElitist03,'' on the newspaper's Bengals forum: "paul daugherty should quit his job before he gets fired. he is miserable. he is more miserable than chris henry. i would much rather have chris henry in cincinnati gang-banging than paul writing another article for the newspaper.''

Thanks for that fine bit of perspective, XElitist03.

It was easy for the Bengals to find Henry. 

He was in court...

Let me clue you in, Mr. Media Elitist. The LAST place you want to go for anything remotely close to intelligent discourse is a newspaper forum. The likelier someone will spew racist/sexist/ignorant bile on a newspaper forum or comment thread, the lower the IQ of said someone. The above "gang-banging" quote being a prime example of my "mouth breathing morons post on newspaper websites" corollary. (I need to come up with a snappier name for my corollary, like Bill Simmons and his 100 or so...)

I'm guessing the quoted XElitist03 has the mental acuity of an institutionalized baboon. (I apologize to any baboons who might be reading TWFE. I'm all for baboons. Clyde should have won an Oscar for "Every Which Way But Loose." Wait, wasn't Clyde an orangutan? Well, you get my drift.)

Fish wraps think they are being oh so very web 2.0 by allowing their "readers" to comment on articles. By the spelling errors, bizarre syntax and insane logic used, I doubt any forum commenter can read past a 2nd grade level, let alone comprehend how despicable they make themselves appear. (I apologize to any 2nd graders currently reading TWFE. Kids, be cool, stay in school!)

It's just as bad in Detroit. The Freep and Mlive allow comments, believing it makes them appear more internet savvy, when it only attracts the web's lowest common denominator. After reading those comments for a few months when I was doing a fish wrap "Comment of the Day," I've never been able to recover the numerous brain cells destroyed in my masochistic mission to document their sheer idiocy. (Thus my confusing baboons and orangutans.)

It isn't hard to find smart sports fans online. A quick Google search would ghave allowed King to find plenty of Bengals fans upset over the re-signing of a common criminal. But it wouldn't have fit the misguided point SI's supposed finest was trying to make.

It's all too easy for the media to piss all over fans thanks to newspapers and their clueless mishandling of comment threads and forums. It's the ugly underbelly of the web, where you can find thousands just like XElitist03.

Want to find the most disgusting and vile take on any story? Find a newspaper website that allows comments. It's clear Peter King already figured that one out.

*What's case number 001? Anything written by Rob Parker. But you already knew that, didn't you?

It's been a weird 24 hours at Casa De Big Al

Saturday afternoon, I faxed over the "official" paperwork to MVN agreeing to move TWFE to their network. It's official, folks. It was a slightly strange, but exciting, feeling.

A little later on Saturday, the Lions, for lack of a better word, destroyed the Browns. The Lions played damn well, beating a team who narrowly missed the playoffs last season. I'm doing all I can to not get sucked in again, but it's hard. Awful hard.

I think Michael Corleone speaks for all Lions fans...

Damn straight.

After watching the silly tape delay of the Lions win (Big media and the NFL just don't get it), I needed what was going to be my last Olympics fix for a couple of years. NBC was showing ping pon...table tennis and mountain biking (Mountain biking is an Olympic sport? Well, you can slap me silly and call me Shirley). At the same time, the CBC was showing the very exciting and emotional men's volleyball gold medal game, live and in it's entirety, between the USA and Brazil. (As I write this, NBC is showing a condensed version of the USA win, only 17 hours later, another sign big media doesn't have a clue, or give a shit)

Let's see...Watch a bunch of nameless Euros ride bikes or a USA volleyball team on a mission to win gold for their coach, and his grief stricken family? Easy choice. Living in a border city FTW!

Volleyball ended just in time for...Spain - USA basketball! So I was up till 5 AM watching USA hoops win the gold medal. Jacques Rogge and the rest of the extortionists running the IOC should demand all future Olympics be held in the eastern time zone.

Why?

I'M AN AMERICAN LIVNING IN THE EASTERN TIME ZONE! THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND OUR NEEDS AND OUR NEEDS ONLY! I HAVE RIGHTS, DAMMIT!

That's why.

I rarely do all-nighters anymore, for good reason. They leave me loopy. Or maybe loopier. You make the call.

I have to say it was quite nice to see jaded NBA gazillionaires act like little kids in a candy store over winning gold for their country. I don't think I've ever seen Kobe Bryant so...well, happy. Ever. Not even after winning an NBA title. Even cooler was every team USA player shaking the hand of Doug Collins. It was the human side of athletes we rarely get to see. It put a smile on my face, but damn, it was weird to see them so openly emotional.

After the gold medal ceremony, I called it night. I'm guessing it was 5:30ish when I finally crashed.

You'd think the weirdness was over, but nooooo. Around 10 AM, I was roused from a semi-sound sleep by the sound of my electronics trying to fry themselves. I had fallen asleep with the bedroom stereo on, and I heard, "click...click...click" coming from the head unit. My first thought? "What the fuck time is it?" My second? "Something sure ain't right."

Funny how a strange sound (or even the lack of one) wakes you with a start. Turns out my neighborhood was going into a brownout. Wonder-fucking-ful.

I stumbled out of bed with slits for eyes. (I'm not making a racist joke about the Chinese, unlike the Spanish Olympic hoops team. If I were to make a joke, it'd be something like: Confucius say before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter)

I staggered around the house making sure the surge protectors had worked, flipping off switches, unplugging appliances and just trying to get through to my pea brain what exactly was happening.

A few minutes later, I lost power completely. I found my ancient Walkman radio, and crawled back into bed. So I was laying in bed, extremely tired, cranky as all Hell and now worried about a fridge and freezer full of food. Let alone it was over 80 outside, and the temperature inside was quickly beginning to rise.

The power FINALLY came back around 12:30. I was relieved. Sweaty, but relieved.

To say my morning sucked is an understatement.

I'm still tired and still kinda cranky. My mood isn't helped by trying to figure out what in the Hell is going on during the Olympics closing ceremony. I have no fucking clue whatsoever. I think those in charge of these ceremonies use the LSD. A shitload of the LSD. Amounts of the LSD that would have even the deadest of the Deadheads say, "Uh, no way, man!" Acid flashbacks should not be used as the groundwork for anything, let alone a ceremony being broadcast to billions.

All this is my long-winded way of telling you I'll write about the Lions tomorrow.

Are we cool? Good.

I'm not sure what's more impressive...

Gus Johnson's play by play call? The man could make a sewing circle sound exciting. I want Gus Johnson calling every game I watch.

Dan Orlovsky's block taking out 2 Browns? Let's make him the lead blocker on all running plays.

Or Kevin Smith's marvelous run? (Hopefully You Tube won't pull this clip, but the NFL media gestapo are everywhere)



It's about time the Detroit Lions had a running back capable of hitting the home run. It's been about a decade...

I'll have more thoughts about the Leo's stomping a mudhole in the Browns tomorrow.

(Exhibition) Game day thread: Detroit Lions (2-0) vs. Cleveland Browns (0-2)

Game Information

Kickoff: 4 PM EDT

Television: 8 PM Tape Delay on WWJ-TV 62/CBS

Play-By-Play: Gus Johnson

Color: Desmond Howard

Sidelines: Matt Shepard

Lions Radio Network Flagship: 97.1 FM The Ticket (WXYT-FM)

Play-By-Play: Dan Miller

Color: Jim Brandstatter

Sidelines: Tony Ortiz

2008 Preseason Records: Lions, 2-0; Browns 0-2

2007 Records: Lions, 7-9; Browns 10-6

Here's your Detroit depth chart for today's game between the Lions and Browns (released before the Drew Stanton injury):

Nothing really stands out, save for the all rookie starting backfield of FB Jerome Felton and RB Kevin Smith. Barring injury, that's your starting Detroit backfield combo when the season begins in Atlanta on September 7th.

The 10 things I'm watching, dammit!

1. Health: First and foremost, the Lions desperately need to come out of today's game healthy. With the loss of Drew Stanton, QB depth suddenly looks pretty damn thin. God forbid something happens to either Jon Kitna or Dan Orlovsky. The threat of injury is why I'm sure Kitna won't play deep into the 3rd quarter, which would be the norm for the 3rd exhibition.

As the new 3rd QB is the journeyman/failed Yankee/University of Michigan drop out Drew Henson of 2008, and not the stud prospect Henson of 2000, Lions fans best hope and pray he never sees the field during the regular season. If Henson does see time today, I don't see how he could do much more than hand off. From how he's played throughout his disappointing NFL career, hand offs are all Henson's capable of doing with any degree of competency.

2. Health: It bears repeating, the Lions cannot afford anyone to miss a significant amount of time. They just don't have the depth at most positions. I know the regulars need some playing time at regular season game speeds, but let's be sensible, and get out of the game injury free.

3. Dan Orlovsky: As there is no other fall back plan at QB with Stanton missing a month, the pressure is on Dan O to show he can be a capable backup to Kitna. He looked much better against the Giants than the Bengals. A 50% completion rate (As he had against Cincy) is not going to convince anyone he's ready for prime time. I'm also curious to see if the Lions alter their play calling, keeping bootlegs and roll outs to a bare minimum when the mobile as the "Spirit of Detroit" statue, the Larry "Human Pylon" Murphy-esque, Orlovsky, is under center.

4. Running back bingo: We know Smith and Felton are going to be the starters, and the TE's will backup Felton as sort of an H-back. But the battle to be Smith's #2 is still heated, with no real favorite to step forward.

Tatum Bell, despite his stating otherwise, is playing as if he's rather be anywhere than with the Lions...Or even playing football. Avieon Cason has one foot in the door thanks to his special teams abilities. Artose Pinner has the most yards, but has put those numbers up against never-gonna-be's. Brian Calhoun is little more than an afterthought, with the word "bust" being used in reference to him daily.

Hopefully the RB situation will shake itself out tonight. If I were the man making the call, Bell and Calhoun would be gone with the first round of cuts.

5. Linebacker roulette: We still don't know who will be lining up next to Ernie Sims on opening day. Right now the leaders seem to be Paris Lenon in the middle and Alex Smith on the strong side.

As for the status of rookie Jordon Dizon, Marinelli apparently doesn't want to move him outside, and doesn't trust him enough to play the middle. Leaving us with a pair less talented LB's playing ahead of a 2nd round draft pick. No, it doesn't make sense to me, either.

OLB Leon Joe, a lowly free agent pickup who has impressed during the exhibition season, may solidify his status as a backup/special teams member with another strong performance.

6. Gosder Cherilus vs. George "The Human Yellow Flag" Foster: The rookie 1st round pick has yet to officially beat out "Mr. Can't Remember The Snap Count" at RT, but with a solid game tonight, that could finally change. My fingers are crossed...

7. Shaun Rogers: I'm sure you are as curious as I am to see the fat ass play. The chubby one is already missing practice and game time with various ailments, mostly related to joint wear and tear caused by his love of Twinkies. When Rogers is given the choice of playing football or eating pie, pie wins every time.  So who knows how much he'll actually play tonight.

 We may see the more active version of Big Baby, as he nay want to show up his former team. Though it's much more likely we'll see Rogers on the sidelines, hugging an oxygen tank as if his life depended upon it...Which it likely does.

8. Leigh Bodden: On the flip, we have the CB obtained in exchange for Rogers. So far it's been an uneventful exhibition season for Bodden, which is just how you'd want it for your number 1 corner. Still, I'd like to see him make a couple of plays, like Brian Kelly did against the Bengals. Bodden's being paid like a playmaker, it's time to show why the Lions shelled out the big bucks to keep him long-term.

9. Pass rush: 5 sacks and constant pressure on the Bengals QB's was encouraging to see last weekend. I'd like to see a repeat performance, for a couple of reasons. One, because a pass rush is a requirement if you expect to contend for a playoff spot. Two, Golden Domer, Golden Boy, and gay icon (according to TMZ) Brady Quinn is starting for the Browns. Who wouldn't want to see Quinn knocked into next week? Show of hands? No one? Thought so...

10. Special teams: They've sucked eggs ever since special teams genius Chuck Priefert retired. I'd love to see, and be damn surprised by, even a minuscule improvement tonight, but I have no faith in current special (as in "ride the short bus" special) teams coach Stan Kwan.

"FIRE KWAN" will be the TWFE rallying cry all season. "FIRE MILLEN" goes without question...

I don't plan on doing any live blogging tonight, with the tape delay being a total pain in the ass, and my being addicted to Olympics coverage. But I'll probably stop by to leave comments with this post, and would love to get thoughts from the rest of you long-suffering Lions fans out there in the series of tubes known as the internets.

Sorry for the lateness of getting this posted, but I had a few personal things to attend to today. With the move to MVN, I do plan on having game threads all season, so get used to it. As for live blogging, it'll be a week by week thing. No sellout = no TV = No live blog,  God damn NFL, and their God damn backwards blackout policies..

FYI: TWFE will be on the move! Seriously...

After 2 1/2 years of The Wayne Fontes Experience being an unaffiliated blog, I'm happy to announce I've come to an agreement to write for the Most Valuable Network.

TWFE will be moving to the MVN platform soon, likely by the end of the month. I'll be back to writing about all the Detroit teams regularly, under one roof.

To be honest, I wasn't looking to make any changes with my blogging, and was perfectly content posting here at Blogger, and at SideLion Report for Fan Sided Blogs. But MVN contacted me earlier this week, totally out of the blue. They wanted to take The Wayne Fontes Experience into their fold, and to the next level. They also asked I blog about all Detroit sports, including the Lions, exclusively for them. The opportunity to write for a large, and growing, blog network like MVN, and the exposure they are offering, it was just too much to pass up.

On a sad note, I resigned from my post at SideLion Report with Fan Sided today. They are a great group of bloggers and I wish them all the best.

I've been ignoring TWFE somewhat, my being preoccupied with the Lions at SLR. That's going to change, obviously. I'll be back to posting regularly at TWFE all the way up to the move to MVN's servers.

As you might guess, things are going to be in a state of flux for the next couple of weeks. I'll do my best to keep everyone in the loop as to links, RSS, and the like. The 2+ years of archives will be moved as well.  Obviously, waynefontes.com (and waynefontes.net, which I now own) will direct to the new location when the dust has finally settled.

So please bear with me and the transition to MVN. It should be interesting. Well, I hope the move isn't interesting...Hell, you know what I mean.

Thanks for reading, and expect plenty of Lions coverage here over the weekend. I need to touch on the Tigers, and their misadventures too!

Answering The Daily Fungo's burning questions: 2009 Tigers edition

With the current Tigers season spiraling into oblivion, over at The Daily Fungo, in looking back at the transitional season of 2005,  Mike has been pondering Detroit's future.

Today, well, the team has probably more questions than the 2005 team did. One thing we can be assured of is Jim Leyland returning as manager. And that’s a good thing. Of course, some may disagree with that, but I believe there are very few buttons he could’ve pushed this year that would make up almost 10 games in the standings.

Here are 17 questions about the 2009 season rattling around in my head:

I thought I'd throw my 2 cents out there, and answer Mike's 17 questions.

1. Who’s the closer in 2009?

Honestly, I don't think the Tigers know the answer to this question. I think it's safe to say the '09 closer is not on the roster right now. Could the Tigers make a big run at K-Rod? It's not out of the question. If there is one spot the Tigers absolutely have to improve is the bullpen, and how better way to do it than signing the best free agent closer on the market?

2. Does Chuck Hernandez return as pitching coach?

Mike Ilitch will want a scapegoat, and someone is going to have to pay for what's turned into a nightmarish season. Hernandez is the likely sacrifice. Not that it wouldn't be for cause, as the pitching has backslid horribly over the past 2 seasons. Justin Verlander looks like Nate Robertson, for chrissakes. It's time the pitchers heard a fresh voice.

3. Is Nate Robertson a Tiger next season?

Robertson is coming back, as the Tigers will have enough holes in the rotation to plug. Kenny Rogers will likely retire. Jeremy Bonnderman has to be considered a question mark after missing most of this season. Dontrelle Willis is an even bigger question mark. Dumping Robertson would mean finding another starter, and it's not as if legitimate MLB starters just drop out of the sky. The Tigers struck lighening in a bottle with Armando Galarraga, I doubt it can stike again.

I think the Tigers give Robertson another chance, as he's making too much money not to. You can't trade him, unless you eat a TON of the contract. He'll be back.

4. Can Dontrelle Willis bounce back?

It's a coin flip at this point, and even that's being generous. Even though no one is saying it out loud, we're all thinking the same thing aren't we? He's done.

The Tigers have to give the D-Train every opportunity, and then some, to make it back. There's too much at stake, both in money and the Tigers' need of pitching.

But if I had to bet? Let's just say I'd be selling short.

5. Can the Tigers deal Carlos Guillen?

Can they? Sure. Should they? I don't think so. I know his stats are down some this season, but if there is one player who should get the benefit of the doubt, it's Carlos Guillen.

For all the bitching and moaning Brandon Inger did about losing the 3rd base job, Guillen has played 4, count 'em (SS, 1B, LF, 3B), 4, in less than a year. It had to affect him at the plate. The man has been moved all over the diamond, and he did so without complaint, unlike a certain bitchy catcher.

I'd be willing to bet Guillen, left at 3rd base for all of next season (He's been just fine defensively once he got confortable), will rebound nicely at the plate.

6. If the Tigers can get a catcher, do they — and do they move Brandon Inge back to third?

To directly answer the question, not if Carlos Guillen is a Tiger. Even if he's not, I wouldn't do it as Inge can't out hit most of the Tigers' pitchers.

As for Inge, someone hitting .220 shouldn't being playing anywhere full time. 3rd base, catcher, I don't care, you have to hit better than Inge has the past 2 seasons. But if you are going to have to hide a bat, catcher is the position where you can get away with it. Considering the the market for MLB caliber catching is thinner than a bulimic Paris Hilton, and the fact the Tigers have more pressing issues, Inge keeps the catching job by default.

7. Does Vance Wilson return at long last?

As dependent as a catcher is on his arm, it's a stretch to think Wilson can come back to contribute. He's basically missed 2 entire seasons to his arm injury and Tommy John surgery. Not many players can come back at the same level after missing so much time. I doubt Wilson, who, let's not forget, is 35 years old, will be the exception to the rule.

8. Who’s the shortstop?

Ramon Santiago. He's earned a shot at a full-time job with his play this season.

9. Would they deal Magglio Ordonez as some suggest?

No, and the fanbase would go apeshit if the Tigers did.

Ordonez has been the most consistent Tigers' hitter the past 2 seasons, it'd be silly to trade him. It' would have to take a massive offer of pitching to get the Tigers to even think about it. Let alone there is the fact the Tigers would have to replace a ton of production in the middle of the lineup. A 3-4 of Ordonez and Miguel Cabrera would be as good as any middle of the order 1-2 punch in baseball.

10. How does Jeremy Bonderman recover?

He's young, and will have plenty of time to recover. Bonderman will be fine. In fact, it could be a blessing in disguise. Bonderman has thrown a ton of innings for someone so young. All this time off to rest could be the best thing for his powerful right arm. Or I could be having a bout of wishful thinking...

11. Is Clete Thomas on the big club to stay?

Yes, as Clete has shown the Tigers he can hit enough to play at the MLB level, and the team needs the things Thomas brings. Specifically, Outfield speed and defense. I think he's the 4th outfielder or possibly part of a LF platoon, in 2009.

12. Who is 2009’s Matt Joyce?

Brent Clevlen.

13. Are the Tigers counting on Freddy Garcia?

I don't know if you could say "counting on." I think it's more like "fingers are crossed" and "knock on wood."

14. Will Brent Clevlen finally break through?

See 12.

OK, to go more in depth, yes he will. Clevlen is having an excellent season in Toledo, and looks ready to take the next step. It's possible all 3 young outfielders, Joyce, Thomas and Clevlen, all make the team in '09. Marcus Thames seems to have fallen out of favor again thanks to his tailing off (.197 BA in July, .056 (!) so far in August) badly as this season has gone on.

I'm sad to say Thames is playing his way out of the Tigers 2009 plans, and with the coming out of the young outfielders, is expendable.

15. What can the Tigers expect out of Joel Zumaya?

After suffering that freak shoulder injury, I think the Tigers were expecting too much out of Zumaya this season. As for next season, I wouldn't be expecting much, as Zumaya has yet to return to the level we saw in 2006. Why thinking another off season would change that is beyond me.

The Tigers should not automatically give him a spot on the roster. Make him earn his way on, and if he doesn't show enough in spring training, send him down to work on his stuff. Get that curve ball working again.

I know some think Zumaya should go back to starting. But if he can't stay healthy enough to pitch 70-80 innings, can you seriously expect him to remain healthy for 180-200 innings?

16. Do they sign Placido Polanco to an extension before the season?

That's a tough, tough question. Polanco is still a very good 2nd baseman, but an extension would take the Tigers well into his 30's. They already have a handful of questionable extensions, I'm not too sure they would want another. As the Tigers have to get younger, and Polanco's starting to show signs of slowing down, if only a tad, I think both parties let this one play out to see where things stand at the end of next season.

17. What’s Gary Sheffield’s role — if any?

Full-time DH, at least to start the season. He's making far too much money, and hitting far too little, to trade, and there is no way in Hell Sheffield will retire when there is $14 million left on his contract. He'll be kept on a short leash, though. If it gets to the point where Sheffield has shown he's lost it, the Tigers will grit their teeth and let him go, however much money left on the deal be damned.

Don't "pick on" Sheff: The worst columnist in America strikes again

I'm sorry. That's it. I can't contain myself anymore. I have to say it. The majority of the MSM are fucking morons.

They are lead by the densest media whore around, the functionally retarded Rob Parker. Why did I score through "functionally? Because I've just read one of the worst God damn columns ever. And what was the subject that has me so riled up?

Parker decided to defend Gary Sheffield.

Leave Gary Sheffield alone. It's kind of silly now to want to blame Sheffield for the disaster that is the Tigers' season.

Let me clue you in Parker, there is no defending Gary Sheffield. You can't do it, the 2 home runs hit last night regardless.

Sheffield decided to burn bridges in Detroit with his blaming everyone but himself when he bitched and moaned to an out of town writer about being a DH. A highly overpaid, unproductive, in the lineup every day, stuck in Detroit for another season thanks to an albatross of a contract, DH. Sheffield out and out said he doesn't want to be here.

Instead of leaving poor, misunderstood Sheffield alone, as the worst columnist in America suggests, I have a better suggestion. If Sheffield doesn't want to be in Detroit, then fucking retire. You'll hear cheer from all over Tigerdom. But he won't do it because he's getting paid $14 MILLION in 2009!

If Sheffield wants fans to take the bullshit he slings seriously, then back it up with actions. Don't go whining to an out of town fish wrap how bad you have it with the Tigers on one day, then happily cash the extremely large checks the team you don't want to play for unfortunately has to hand over to your .220 hitting, glass shouldered ass, the next.

So Parker says we shouldn't scapegoat Sheffield for this awful season.

You have got to be shitting me.

First off, I can boo, rag on and scapegoat whomever the Hell I want. Fans don't take kindly to being lectured as to who they should root for and who they shouldn't. We can make up our own minds, thank you very much.  I don't need a pea brained, so-called writer who spends more time in Bristol and New York than Detroit to tell me jack shit.

Sheffield is caught on film preparing to throw 
the Marlboro Man under the bus...

Sheffield is being booed is because he's hitting .220 and being paid $14 MILLION to do so. The reason he's being roasted by the fans is thanks to his throwing Jim Lelyand under the bus, the one person who has fully backed his .220 hitting ass all season, yet just had to bitch about playing time. Sheffield is so fucking clueless, well, he's as clueless as the dumb ass defending him in the Detroit News.

That's pretty damned clueless.

Then Parker has the GALL to say...

It's just easy to pick on Sheffield because he's outspoken and usually tells you what he's thinking when asked a question. 

It feels like Parker's thisclose to playing the race card, doesn't it?

It easy to pick on Sheffield not because he's an outspoken black man. It's his constantly sticking his foot in his mouth. There's always a size 13 Nike stuffed in Sheffield's rarely closed maw. How about thinking for 30 seconds before blurting out something so stupidly controversial you have to spend the next week explaining yourself?

By the way, did I say Sheffield's hitting .220?

Point Two Twenty.

Because that's the biggest reason he's being "picked on." Hit like Brandon Inge, you're going to catch your share of shit. If God himself spent the majority of the season batting in the number 3 hole, and hit .220, He'd be getting roasted too!

Then Parker writes something flabbergastingly stupid...

Coincidence or not, Sheffield was put on waivers Tuesday by the Tigers. Hopefully, the Tigers didn't do it for the words he spoke.

Huh? If Parker believes Sheffield was put on waivers because he said something the Tigers didn't like, then he's even more clueless than I thought, if that's even possible.

Sheffield was put on waivers because he's an always injured DH with a monster contract that has the Tigers financially hamstrung going into next year. I could also be due to the fact he's HITTING .220!

Hell, I'd bet the entire team was put on waivers just to see if there was a sucker team interested in making a deal. I can guarantee if you are over 30 and have a large contract, the Tigers placed you on waivers. It's not due to feelings being hurt because of some imaginary DH platoon.

I think I need to make up a T-Shirt for Tigers fans. It'll have "FREE GARY SHEFFIELD!" plastered across the front.




Myspace Tshirt Generator

Unfortunately, media types like Parker wouldn't get that it's supposed to be ironic...

It's no wonder the Detroit News is in such financial deep shit. They employ morons. 

Answering the Detroit Tigers burning questions: Asshattery in Tigertown edition

Garcia's on board, Sheffield's bitching, Verlander is being abused and the Tigers are slowly fading into the sunset when it comes to the pennant race. You know what that means, right? Burning questions? I thought you'd never ask!

In news that broke this afternoon, free agent pitcher Freddie Garcia signed with the Tigers. Garcia, who not long ago was at the top of the White Sox rotation, is recovering from arm surgery and hasn't pitched in the majors in over a year. Smart signing or wishful thinking?

Smart signing. It seems like a solid move on the Tigers' part to me. Garcia signed a minor league deal, and will going to Lakeland to build up his arm strength. We'll know soon enough if Carlos Guillen's BFF has anything left.

It's worth taking a flier on a solid starter who averaged 15 wins a season before he got hurt. All Garcia cost Detroit was time and money. When you consider the holes (now, and in the future) in the rotation, the former White Sox ace could easily fill one quite capably...if healthy. And that's the caveat.

Caveats or not, this is a no risk signing. If Garcia shows he has big league stuff and joins the rotation, the Tigers could decide to lock up Garcia for next season, taking care of the spot likely to be vacated by Kenny Rogers. If he shows he can't cut it, the Tigers are only obligated to pay a relatively small amount of cash, as the current contract only runs through the end of this season. When you've already dropped $138 million this season, what's another few thousand?

Gary Sheffield, bitchy prima donna or...

There is no reason to finish the question, as Sheffield is proving to be a petulant, bitchy, prima donna whiner.

"I don't wanna be DH and you can't make me! I wanna be a REAL baseball player"

Real baseball players hit more than .230. I might take his complaints seriously if Sheffield had a legitimate complaint. He doesn't, so please shut the fuck up and play ball, both at the plate and in the locker room.

Really, what does taking his petty complaints to an out of town reporter accomplish? It undercuts his manager, it pisses off the fans who've looking for a scapegoat (They have one now!) and makes Sheffield look fucking clueless. He knew coming into Detroit he would be a full-time DH. All playing in the outfield did was ruin the next 1 1/2 seasons for everyone involved.

I've been as big of a defender of Sheffield as anyone in Detroit, but I've reached my limit with Glass Shoulder Joe. You're being paid $14 million to go to the plate 4 times a game, and be successful 3 out of 10 times. When you can't even do that, let alone stay healthy enough to swing a bat, yet still complain about not playing in the field and some non-existent platoon?

I can now understand where the people saying Sheffield was an ass were coming from.He's a hall of fame talent with a bigger talent for pissing people off.

So what do you do with the glass shouldered one?

Not much, actually.

The $14 million Sheffield is owed for next season makes him essentially baseball kryptonite. You can't trade him, as no one in their right mind would take Sheffield off the Tigers' hands with that much guaranteed money left on the table. You can't release him, even though fans have been screaming for it, as Mike Ilitch would gag at the thought of paying someone $14 million to just go away. As much as Sheffield bitches, you can't risk playing him in the field, as his shoulder would turn into so much hamburger.

All you can do is keep your fingers crossed, hoping Sheffield stays healthy and regains his hitting stroke. You pick your spots with him, and hope he's successful. You also keep putting out feelers for any takers in a trade, and hope to God some desperate GM finally says, "Sure, we'll be happy to take Mr. Sheffield off your hands." (Hey, it could happen!)

You then get him out of town ASAP, before he gets hurt again, nullifying the deal.

In Justin Verlander's last start, Jim Leyland left him on the mound to throw 130 pitches. (My arm twinged just writing about it) Last night, in his first rotation turn since that marathon outing, Verlander had nothing, looked for all the world that he had a tired arm, was shelled by the Blue Jays, lasting only 4.1 innings. Thoughts?

I actually have a question. Who in the HELL is advising Leyland? The young pitcher killer and all around clueless fuckhead, Dusty Baker? Someone needs to grab Lelyand, AND SLAP HIM SILLY!

As rough as a season Verlander is having, his right arm is the future of the Tigers franchise. To leave him on the mound for 130 pitches is on the bad side of abuse. It's fucking moronic. Hell, it's stupendously idiodic and I'd have the Tigers' manger checked for signs of mental retardation.;

Pitch counts have been an issue with Verlander all damn season. You'd think Leyland (or Chuck Hernandez, Dave Dombrowski, even the God damn batboy!) would have realized it, and prepared for it. They could have called someone up from the minors. Leyland could have put in a position player to pitch if he was so motherfucking adamant about not using the bullpen. He could have forfeited, for all care. Anything but leaving your franchise pitcher on the mound till his arm is hanging by shredded tendons.

I could give a shit about winning a MEANINGLESS game when it comes to keeping the Tigers' current and future ace healthy. Asshattery abounds in the Tigers' dugout.

I don't want to give anyone nightmares, but...I'd hate to look back in a few years, and say, "Remember that year the Tigers let Veralnder throw 110+ pitches a game? 2008? When Leyland "Mark Prior'ed" him? That's the season he was ruined."

Am I overstating things? More than a little. But wouldn't it be smart to err on the side of caution when handling young starters?

//Al throws hands into the air, walks away muttering to himself//

Want to read a Detroit Lions season preview?

I know exactly where you can find one.

My Detroit Lions season preview is up at Yardbarker.

As it's a Yardbarker exclusive, I can't reprint it at TWFE (or SLR, for that matter), so you'll just have to head over there to read my semi-lucid thoughts on the franchise Matt Millen has done his best to ruin. Feel free to give it a thumbs up bark!

For those of you who have better taste in teams, the rest of the NFL previews from the Fan Sided bloggers are one click away.

Join me at SideLion Report for a Lions live blog tonight

With the Lions hitting the field for the first time tonight, I've been busy at SideLion Report today.

I know it's only an exhibition game, but it's my preseason too when it comes to following the Leo's, so I'm live blogging the (tape delayed in SE MI, God damn NFL rules) Lions - Giants game at 9 pm.

So don't feel like you have to watch the Tigers blow another game. Watch the Lions blow a game instead!

Feel free to come by SLR at 9, and say hey.

The worst $138 million investment ever made

I'm at a loss. Much like the God damn Tigers. A team that's playing out the string from here on out.
 
The Tigers out and out blow ANOTHER game, this time thanks to a White Sox 4 run rally in the bottom of the 14th inning. A 2 out, 3 run Nick Swisher home run off of Joel Zumaya, greatly helped along by Edgar Renteria butchering a 1 out ground ball, was an emphatic, painful, final nail in Detroit's coffin.

This was the one. It's official. This is game we'll point to and say, "That was when the 2008 season came to an ugly, grisly, disappointing end."

The Tigers spent a $138 million for this?  A $138 million, folks. That a shitload of Little Cesear's Pizza. If Mike Ilitch wanted to piss his money away, he would have been better off throwing $100 bills in a urinal.

It would have been cheaper, and saved we fans a season full of grief. A whole lot of grief.

My thoughts on Kyle Farnsworth?

It's simple, really...

Kyle Farnsworth as a New York Yankee.

 

 Kyle Farnsworth as a Detroit Tiger

 

The Tigers' bullpen as a whole... 

Like I said, simple.

Damn, the Tigers' bullpen, Bobby Seay excepted, is God awful.

Answering the Detroit Tigers burning questions: Nightmare in Tampa edition

I know we don't want to talk about it, as the wounds are still too fresh, but the Tampa series was the breaking point for much, if not all of the Tigers' fanbase. The playoffs may be a pipe dream after the Tampa debacle.

The team is struggling, Leyland's pissed, the fans more so, they are closer to last place in the Central than first place and I'm actually looking forward to the Olympics taking my mind off of the Tigers.

In other words, it's time for another round of burning questions...

What the HELL happened in Tampa this past weekend?

If you are a fan of the Tigers, your worst nightmare, that's what.

That sound you heard? It was the Tigers playoff chances violently imploding. It was a weekend that only a lobotomy could wipe from your memory.

So you think the Tigers are out of the running for a playoff spot?

Mathematically, no. They'll remain in the Central race, at least when you look at the numbers, for quite some time. Realistically? My heart says "No." But my head says, in a much much MUCH louder voice, "No way in Hell."


Really? No way in Hell?

Let's see...

No lead is safe thanks to one of the worst bullpens in baseball. There's one, count 'em, one, trustworthy reliever, Bobby Seay. The "closer" couldn't close a door, let alone a game. The reliever the Tigers traded Pudge Rodriguez for has a home run fetish. The team's supposed ace flopped badly in his last 2 starts, while the number 5 man in the rotation has the worst numbers of any starter in baseball. The primary DH is hitting .230, while the starting catcher is at .221. The shortstop has the defensive range of a sumo wrestler. When the Tigers pitch, they don't hit. When they hit, they don't pitch. And much too often, they do neither.

In other words, no way in Hell.

But they're only 7 games back!

It's the first week of August, less than 2 months left in the season. 7 games is a steep climb for a team playing well, which the Tigers are not. They are a game under .500, and behind both the Twins and ChiSox. Both have better pitching. Pitching that won't make you cringe when you see them on the mound.

The Tigers have yet to show they are anything more than what they've been...A .500 team.


Jim Leyland called out his Tigers team yesterday to the assembled media, using words like ashamed, shocked. disappointed, terrible, and embarrassed. He also claimed the time for changes in the lineup were nigh. Then his team went out and gave away another winnable game. Will we see Leyland's "changes" Tuesday?

The better question would be, what changes CAN Leyland make? To be honest, not very many. Unfortunately, there doesn't appear to be a quick fix.

With the bullpen, I don’t think Leyland has any choice but to try Seay as a closer. At least he throws strikes, which is something the rest of the pen finds almost impossible to do. Obviously Kyle Farnsworth is an option, but he hasn't impressed anyone in his 2 appearances so far. Fernando Rodney's status as not only a closer, but as a major league pitcher, is hanging by a thread. Either way, if he can no longer be depended upon, he has no business being on the team.

Nate Robertson may be at the end of what rope the Tigers have given him. Another rotten start, and he could be banished to the pen. But if you do remove Robertson from of the rotation, but who replaces him? There's no real standout ready in the minors. Chris Lambert? Eddie Bonine? Call me underwhelmed.

As for changes in the everyday lineup, about all Leyland can really do is play more of Ramon Santiago and Matt Joyce. And he’s been playing Joyce almost every day since Marcus Thames' production plummeted (6 for his last 50). As for the .230 hitting Gary Sheffield, between his contract and Thames’ slump, you might as well keep him in the lineup for the time being.

What a damn horrific mess this team has become.

Leyland also said during his rant, "I've got people on my butt." Is he under pressure from Dave Dombrowski and/or Mike Ilitch?

I'd be giving the red ass to anyone and everyone when it comes to this highly paid and under performing team.

If anyone has reason to want heads on a platter, it's Mike Ilitch. He placed his trust, and his wallet, in Dombrowski's and Leyland's hands, allowing the payroll to balloon to $138 million. What he's gotten in return is a team that can barely get past .500, let alone stay there.

Are there any positives?

Armando Galarraga has been a revelation. Magglio Ordonez remains an offensive weapon. Miguel Cabrera has been showing why the Tigers gave him such a fat contract. Placido Polanco and Curtis Granderson are having solid seasons after very slow starts. Bobby Seay has been solid. Matt Joyce has shown enough to be in the running to play left on a full-time basis in 2009. Same for Clete Thomas as the 4th outfielder.

Disappointments?

Far too many to mention. In fact, that's probably going to be another post.

Now what?

I honestly don't know. All I can say is the Tigers are not a fun team to watch. Not fun at all.

We have a new nominee for worst Tigers loss of the year...If not the decade

Talk about a heartbreaking, soul-crushing defeat. A game that was all but over, until the Tigers' bullpen blew up in a most spectacular, and painful to watch, fashion. Was today's loss in Tampa the nail in Detroit's coffin? I'm not sure, but with a bullpen doing its best imitation of the Titanic, it may well have been.

You can give Jim Leyland grief for some of his decisions over this lost weekend of baseball, but I have no problem with his taking Armando Galarraga out of the game after 7 innings. Why? Tampa was starting to tag Galarraga, as he struggled somewhat in the in 7th, allowing a run. After 100 pitches, as good as he had been, Armando was likely gassed.



Leyand had Kyle Farnsworth ready and waiting in the wings. This was the exact sort of late inning situation Farnsworth was expressly brought back to Detroit to handle. It looked as if Leyland was correct in his strategy. Unfortunately, Farnsworth didn't handle the pressure well, thanks to his one extremely large and well-known drawback. His propensity to give up the home run. Or in this case, home runs. We now know why Yankee fans were more than happy to see Farnsworth go.



Then we had another adventurous (to put it mildly) Fernando Rodney appearance after an uneventful 9th for the Tigers' best reliever as of late, Bobby Seay. At this point, with Rodney going to a 3-2 count on every batter he faces, then walking the vast majority, I think we've seen the end of the Rodney as closer experiment. He just doesn't throw strikes. Not at a rate conducive to low pitch counts and 1-2-3 innings. FSD cut to Leyland on the bench as Rodney was imploding. He looked as if he were on the verge of blowing a blood vessel.



Which leaves us the question, if not Rodney, then who? Joel Zumaya is on the shelf...AGAIN. Let alone his control has been Rodney-esque. Speaking of which, the fans would rather see Rodney DFA'ed than close any more games. We were witness today to Farnsworth's shortcomings, why he's been pegged as a setup guy, not a closer. That leaves...Bobby Seay? Why the Hell not? He's the only reliever who seems to realize throwing strikes are a GOOD thing. Hey, if any of you have a better idea, I'm sure Leyland would love to hear it.



Before the game, Leyland went off, calling out his team while claiming he was on the verge of making big changes. One being playing more "kids." I think what happened in Tampa this weekend, and especially this afternoon, has accelerated Leyland's timetable.



It's early August, the Tigers are 7 games back, and fading. If the time for some significant lineup changes hasn't already passed, it soon will. Though realistically, what moves can Leyland make? Playing "kids" does not a playoff team make. I doubt he has any moves left in his magic bag of managerial tricks which could suddenly remake the Tigers into a playoffs bound juggernaut.

Tallying up the yays and nays: Final thoughts on the Pudge Rodriguez trade

Has there been a more polarizing Tigers trade than the Pudge Rodriguez for Kyle Farnsworth deal?

Many fans think the Tigers could/should have gotten more in return, prospects would have been preferable to a setup man or trading a first ballot Hall of Fame catcher is something you just don't do. Others believe it's too early to throw in the towel on the season, so something HAD to be done about the bullpen, Pudge's skills are in decline and had more value as a "name" than as a player.

Even the Detroit Tigers' blogosphere is split on this deal. For that to happen, you know this was a controversial trade. Let's see who's for the deal, and who's against moving Pudge.

Yay:

TWFE: Pudge was leaving after this season. The Tigers needed bullpen help. Rather than get nothing (other than extra draft picks when he walked) for the mercurial catcher, the Tigers decided dealing him would get the pen a needed upgrade. Farnsworth was probably as good a reliever that would be made available. So after talking myself into it, I give the deal a mild, qualified...Yay?

Tiger Blog: I guess I like the deal. It’s low risk and at worse, the loss will be muted because of the short time period.

Tiger Tales: As for next year, I believe Pudge would have rejected arbitration and signed a multi-year deal elsewhere so I think Inge might have ended up being the catcher anyway. I also believe Farnsworth will reject arbitration and sell himself to the highest bidder. Thus, the trade might not have a lot of bearing on the future except for the probable draft pick.

Where Have You Gone, Johnny Grubb? This was, at first glance, a shocking deal. Not so much, once you think about it. Pudge will be missed, but as Leyland said -- the catcher isn't going to determine whether the Tigers make the playoffs. Those throwing to the catcher will determine that.

The Daily Fungo: My heart says it’s tough to see Pudge go. It’s almost a cliche now, but it also happens to be true: His signing with the Tigers in 2004 gave this team instant credibility and served as the foundation for a pennant winner. No minor accomplishment. My head says, this one, just like Big Daddy to the Yankees in ‘96, is a no-brainer.

Mack Avenue Tigers: Maybe it was Fernando Rodney’s showing or maybe it was the bullpen all around or maybe it was Inge having a good game, or maybe it was figuring the Marlins would have gotten bored of this Pudge matter and there weren’t going to be any entertaining prospects coming Detroit’s way anyway. WHATEVER THE CASE, I guess after a few hours, I’m OK with the move. I think it makes the team better this year, and they say they’re still in a pennant race, so God bless them, let them try I guess.

Bless You Boys: I also hate the idea of making a deal with a potential playoff rival, though this appears to be the proverbial trade that helps both teams involved. The Yankees needed a catcher, with Jorge Posada having season-ending surgery on his shoulder. And Farnsworth brings more immediate help than whatever draft picks the Tigers would've received next year with Pudge's free agency. Something else to consider is the difference in salaries; Farnsworth makes approximately $7 million less than Pudge, though I don't know how much of a factor that played in the Tigers' decision-making.

Detroit Tigers Thoughts: Farnsworth is making $5.5 million, compared to Pudge's $13 million. It's entirely possible this is a salary dump, making up for lost expected playoff revenues. Both are free agents after the season. I honestly do not know if Farnsworth projects to be a type A or B free agent. What I do know is that he upgrades the bullpen. Update: After seeing some reaction, it's amazing how overrated Pudge is.

Tigergeist: Overall, I think they’re a better team then they were when I woke up this morning — they have upgrade the bullpen with minimal impact to the starting lineup, with probably a positive impact on next year’s team.

Nay:


Roar of the Tigers: Pudge for The Farns, straight-up? A Type A free agent (who, if offered arbitration, would get the team losing him a supplemental pick and a compensatory pick in the next draft) for a probably-Type B free agent (who only gets the team losing him one supplemental round pick)? No. This is not OK. THIS I cannot agree with.

The Detroit Tigers Weblog: But my issue is that I think the Tigers could have done better for Pudge. He’s having a good year at a hard to fill position. Factor in the loss of a draft pick and it’s not good. No young player coming back? Not awful, but Dave Dombrowski failed to maximize Pudge’s value. Yankees win this one easy.

The Spot Starters: So apparently the deal really is Ivan Rodriguez to the Yankees for Kyle Farnsworth. I’ve learned a bit of a lesson lately about snap judgments but this trade doesn’t seem to make much sense.

To be honest, many of the bloggers who ended up giving the trade a thumbs up, did so begrudgingly. Same for those who panned the deal, their the main objection being the Tigers didn't maximize their return.

After the fact, it appears the biggest reason the Tigers traded Rodriguez was a simple one. He wanted to leave. (As seen at The Daily Fungo)

Pudge's time in Detroit was running out as it was, if you believe the Tigers' spin after the trade went down. Supposedly, it had already been decided Brandon Inge would be the Tigers' full-time catcher in 2009. Pudge wasn't coming back to the D, period.

With the deal official, and Farnsworth joing the Tigers in Tampa, the question is...Will Kyle Farnsworth make a difference? After watching the bullpen implode over the last couple of days in Cleveland, he can't help but make the pen better.

Be it as a setup man or as a closer, Farnsworth becomes the Tigers' best late innings reliever. He's definitely been pitching well in New York this season. Unfortunately, we can't day the same about the gang that can't throw straight who currently make up the Detroit bullpen. In the end, that ineffectiveness is why the deal was ultimately made.

Either that, or the Tigers wanted to win every bench clearing brawl from here on out.